With Regards to the Fairer Sex
by sinemoras09
Summary: Three conversations talking about girls. Katsushiro x Kirara, with Kirara being mostly oblivious. Gen. Crack. Takes place around episode 11, The Village.


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"Samurai value honor above all else. Everything we do is driven by it and the _bushido_ way," Katsushiro says.

Kirara brushes a hair back and looks up at the trees. They've been walking for nearly three hours now, and that was all Katsushiro seemed to be able to talk about: being a samurai and living up to the bushido way. Kirara listened politely at first, but as the hours stretched, her patience stretched, too.

"Samurai are brave," Katsushiro says. "They are men whose mettle is not untested. They're--"

"Katsushiro," Kirara says. "I know how important this is to you, and how you aspire to live up to the _bushido_ way, but....well can't we talk about something else?"

Katsushiro looks hurt. "I didn't know I was boring you," he says. "You always ask Kambei-sama for stories. I thought you were interested."

"Yes, but you know what they say about a man's actions being louder than his words," Kirara says.

"Oh...yes." Katsushiro looks even more embarrassed now, like a puppy caught peeing in a corner. "I wish I had stories to tell you, Kirara-dono," Katsushiro says. "It's no wonder you prefer the company of Kambei-sama and the others."

"Katsushiro, no..." Now Kirara feels bad. "I enjoy your company and I greatly value our time together. It's just, I feel like I know nothing about you. All you talk about is being a samurai. I'd like to know something else. Something....mundane. Something ordinary. Like, what do you do when you're _not_ being a samurai?"

"Like...for fun?"

"Yes," Kirara says. "What do you do for fun, Katsushiro?"

"I read," Katsushiro says. "I train, I sharpen my katana. Um. I mostly train, but sensei hasn't had much time, what with the preparations for the village and all...."

"What do you read?" Kirara asks.

"Um." Katsushiro licks his lips. "Poetry, I suppose."

"Poetry," Kirara says. "I didn't know you read poetry."

"Well. Death poetry. Of samurais fallen in the past."

"Oh."

They walk, awkwardly. Kirara toes the dirt and stares at the ground.

"I'm boring you, aren't I?" Katsushiro says.

"No, of course not," Kirara says.

"But I am," Katsushiro says, agonized. "I just...talk. I talk and I don't _do_, and it's no wonder you prefer Kambei-sama's company to mine."

"No, Katsushiro, no." Kirara takes his hand. "You're sweet and earnest and completely endearing, but someone needs to teach you how to talk to girls. I mean, what if I were someone you were trying to impress?"

Katsushiro reddens. "What should I do if I were trying to impress you?" he asks.

"Well, for one thing, you don't have to talk about being a samurai all day," Kirara says. "Just...show her your affection. Show her that you're interested in _her_, not just in bushido and honor and everything else." Kirara squeezes his hand, knowingly. "Those girls in the village really like you," Kirara says. "You could probably take your pick of any one of them. They think you look like an actor," Kirara says.

Katsushiro falls quiet. "Do you think I'm handsome, Kirara-dono?" he asks.

"Of course you are," Kirara says. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're a samurai and they're wild about you."

They come across a clearing. The village girls are gathered around the well. One of them looks up, then points. "Oh my gosh, it's Katsushiro!" the girl says.

She gives Katsushiro a little nudge. "Go. talk to them."

Katsushiro looks alarmed. "But lady Kirara--"

"You'll be fine," Kirara says. "Just don't talk about bushido so much, you'll do great."

The girls start rushing down the hilltop. Katsushiro looks like he might throw up. "Thank you," Katsushiro says. "May I....may I walk with you again?"

"Of course," Kirara says. Now the girls are closer, giggling and bouncing forward. "I'll see you later. You'll have to let me know how this turns out."

"But lady Kirara--"

Kirara waves. "Bye, Katsushiro," she says. She watches amused as one of the girls grabs Katsushiro by the hand and yanks him toward the hill.

xXx

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Komachi has a theory. "He wears a topknot because he looks like a girl," Komachi says.

"Komachi!" Kirara grabs her by the hand. "That's not very nice. Great samurai wear the _chonmage_ in battle, you must be respectful of him because he's also a great samurai and he's also your elder."

"Then how come Kambei doesn't wear a topknot, hmm?" Komachi bounces, a little ball of energy. "How come, nee-chan, how come?"

"Well..." Kirara doesn't know. "Shichiroji-dono wears a topknot. Why aren't you picking on him?"

"Because Shichiroji is a samurai, and Katsunoji looks like a _girl_," Komachi says. "He was making moony eyes at you, did you see? Huh, nee-chan, huh?" Komachi bounces, swinging her legs. "He _loooves_ you, he wants to _maaarry_ you. But he can't swing a sword and he looks like a girl, right nee-chan?"

"That's enough. Leave poor Katsushiro alone," Kirara says.

Komachi pouts. "He still looks like a girl," Komachi says.

xXx

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Kirara is out in the forest when she overhears Katsushiro and Gorobei talking.

"Gorobei-dono, may I ask you something?" Katsushiro asks.

"Certainly," Gorobei says. "What's on your mind?"

"It's just..." She can almost hear Katsushiro turning red. "I'm no good at keeping conversation, and you seem really well-spoken. I was wondering if you could help me," Katsushiro says.

"Ah, so it's a question about the ladies, I take it," Gorobei says.

"Yes," Katsushiro says. "About the ladies."

At this moment, Kirara can turn around and walk back and pretend she didn't hear what is obviously supposed to be a private conversation. But her crystal is glowing and surely that's a sign, isn't it? She crouches low and peers through the leaves.

"I just don't know what to talk about," Katsushiro says. "Every time I'm with her, I get tongue tied. I don't know what to say."

"Oh, that's easy, man!" Gorobei says. "You talk about _her_. Tell her how pretty she is. Ask her about her day. But I don't see you having any trouble," Gorobei says. "The little ladies are crazy about you, which makes an old entertainer like myself feel even older. I should be jealous, but for you I'm very pleased."

"Gorobei-dono," Katsushiro says. "What about...you know." Kirara watches him play with his sword. "I've never--"

"What? Had relations?" Gorobei says.

"I was going to say kissed, but I suppose that's true, too," Katsushiro says.

Oh, Katsushiro. Kirara feels embarrassed for him. This girl--whoever she is--must be something else. "What if I'm no good?" Katsushiro says. "What if, I finally get her, and she's repulsed because I don't know what to do?"

"It's not so hard, it's just like swinging a sword," Gorobei says.

"Yes but." She can see his face redden. "But I'm not very good with a sword," Katsushiro says.

Kirara nearly drops her crystal. The two men startle. "What was that?" Katsushiro says.

"Nothing. Nothing at all, probably a bird." Gorobei claps Katsushiro on the shoulder, then looks right at her and winks. Kirara's heart skips. He turns back to Katsushiro. "You'll be fine," Gorobei says to Katsushiro. "Just stop thinking so hard. Get out of your head. Pay the lady a compliment--flattery will get you everywhere, as far as love's concerned."

"Really?"

"Really," Gorobei says. Kirara wants to turn around and leave but she's too afraid Katsushiro will notice. "Go," Gorobei says. "Make this old showman proud."

* * *

**A/N: It's no secret that I ship Katsushiro and Kirara like WHOA. But as I was re-watching the series, I started to understand a little why Kirara might be more like *facepalm* instead of in woobie!love :) A death poem is what a samurai would write before committing seppuku. Also: Gorobei knew Kirara was watching the entire time, but he knew if he let on, Katsushiro would be mortified. Yeah. That's all :)**


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